


It’s Always Been You

by thiccnyoung



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2young - Freeform, 2young trying to sort their shit out, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jinyoung, M/M, Pining, Romance, Youngjae - Freeform, Youngjae-Centric, fluctuation of emotions, jaebeom is a recurring character, the others are mentioned here and there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiccnyoung/pseuds/thiccnyoung
Summary: It takes some time for Youngjae to realise his feelings for Jinyoung run much deeper than he had originally thought.It takes even more time for him to fully admit that he harbours such feelings for the older in the first place.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	It’s Always Been You

**Author's Note:**

> I’m back with another fic; this one strays from the usual pairings I write about. 
> 
> Also, please note that the events which take place in this story happen in a sequential order, though some may happen months apart from each other while others happen a few days to a few weeks from each other. The numbers are there to simply separate them and they don’t mean anything significant. 
> 
> **Warning:** _Very_ self indulgent material ahead of you, read at your own discretion!

**_oo1._ **

“What are you doing in my kitchen, in my house, at _one in the morning_?” Jinyoung questions as he flicks on the kitchen lights, flooding the space with a warm, yellow glow.

“…Because I missed you?” Youngjae mumbles, slamming the door to the fridge shut; he stands up, grumbling about his legs cramping and the sudden flood of light being too bright for his eyes to adjust to.

“Bullshit. Tell me the truth or I’m kicking you out.”

Youngjae rolls his eyes as he makes his way over to the dining table, carrying with him plain bread. “Okay fine! There wasn’t any food in my kitchen that I could eat at night and I was in the mood for a midnight snack so I took on your offer of using your key if something urgent happens…” he trails off as he takes a seat.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jinyoung asks, sighing very loudly to express his irritation at being woken up at a god-awful hour to the sound of someone opening his fridge and rummaging through it. “You wanting midnight snacks isn’t urgent! And you nearly scared the shit out of me, I thought someone broke into my house! Thought I was gonna get murdered in cold blood and my body would be found a week later!”

“That’s not true, your body would be found in just a few hours — One day maximum! We _are_ neighbours, after all, so you won’t have to worry about that,” Youngjae answers cheerily, and Jinyoung has to contemplate on whacking the younger over the head or leaving his itching desires behind and kicking them to the curb. After a few seconds of struggle between the two choices, he decides to go with the latter, not in the mood to hear Youngjae’s whining.

“That’s _very_ reassuring,” Jinyoung says, drily, as he makes his way over to the younger. “You’re not _only_ here for the food, are you?”

“Well… that and the fact that I couldn’t sleep,” Youngjae fesses up, softly. “I’ve had a lot on my mind for the past few days so I haven’t been able to get proper sleep.”

“Ah,” Jinyoung says, “Is _this_ why your eye bags are literally touching the floor?”

“When will you stop making fun of me?” Youngjae questions, “I’m trying to be serious here and all you can do is tease me about it. I’m not in the mood for this, I’m leaving,” he says, standing up from his chair. The legs of the chair scrape the tiled floor as it’s being pushed back; Jinyoung has to grab the younger’s hand to stop him from leaving.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry, I’ll take you seriously, okay? Now, stop frowning, you’re making me feel real guilty here,” Jinyoung says as he presses both his thumb and index finger between Youngjae’s eyebrows, gently pushing them apart. “There you go.”

“As you should,” Youngjae mumbles as Jinyoung leads him back to his seat.

“So,” Jinyoung says, placing a cup of warm water in front of the younger, “What’s on your mind?”

“A lot of things,” Youngjae answers, hands wrapping around the warm mug Jinyoung handed him seconds ago. “I…” he trails off, pausing. He hesitates slightly, and Jinyoung glances at him with a gentle, patient expression. “I… I didn’t know how to break the news to you,” he mumbles, “But I received a job offer from a pretty big company in Busan,” he says, slowly, watching Jinyoung’s expression turn into one of pure and genuine excitement.

“Really?” Jinyoung asks, sounding delighted. “That’s great news! You’ve been worried about getting a full time job ever since graduating so now you won’t have to worry anymore!” His smile reaches his eyes, the wrinkles at the outer corners making an appearance.

“You… You’re not mad at me for not telling you this earlier?”

“Of course not! Why would I be?” Jinyoung queries, raising a brow. “So what now?” he questions, tilting his head, “Did you accept the offer?”

“I-I’ve been mulling over it. They’ve given me two weeks to think about it,” Youngjae answers. “I’m not sure if I want to go. I’m going to have to move for it and I don’t know if I want to do that…” he says, voice faltering as he finally looks at Jinyoung properly. “It means I’d have to leave the life here behind, as well as my friends and family and I’m not too sure if I’d like that. It’s way too out of my comfort zone. And…” he trails off, eyes averting away from Jinyoung as he shakes his head and clears his throat. “A-Anyways,” he stammers out, “There’s just a lot of things and _people_ I don’t want to leave behind.”

“Youngjae,” Jinyoung says, reaching over and placing his hand on top of the younger’s, “This is a great opportunity for you. And Busan is what, less than four hours of a train ride from here? You can always visit once you’re on holidays, you know? We’re not going anywhere.”

“That’s not true,” Youngjae says. “ _You’re_ going somewhere. You’re leaving for the States for your career while I’m going to be stuck in Busan and I won’t get to see you off when you leave and I don’t like that. I won’t be able to spend time with you before you leave and I hate that. _I hate that thought so much_. I hate leaving my comfort zone, I don’t want to leave Seoul, I don’t want to leave this life behind and I— I don’t want to have _you_ leave. What if you go to the States and forget about us all — Forget about _me_? What am I supposed to do then?” He inhales. “I know this is selfish as all hell for me to say but _you’re_ my comfort zone and it feels like everything’s going to fall apart once you leave and I really, _really_ don’t like that,” he whispers, tearing up.

The silence which falls over them for an agonisingly long moment causes Youngjae to wonder if he spoke too much nonsense, if any of this even made any _sense_. To be fair, he _was_ rambling, but it wasn’t like it was mindless ramble. It was rambling which sort of reflected what he felt — Not that he was _exactly_ sure of how he felt, or why he was so desperately trying to hold onto Jinyoung. All he knows is that if Jinyoung and him part ways, he’s going to end up a devastated mess.

After what feels like an eternity, he feels Jinyoung gently squeeze his hand. He finally dares to look at Jinyoung, to see the older’s reaction to his rambling. The excited smile before had softened into a more gentle, reassuring smile, and for some odd reason, that was all Youngjae needed as reassurance that maybe — _just maybe —_ everything will be fine.

“You’ll be fine. _We’ll_ ,” Jinyoung says, gesturing between them with his index finger, “be fine. You’ll still have me. I won’t forget you, I can promise you that much.” 

_Yes_.

Nothing will fall apart just because they’re away from each other. 

Jinyoung _won’t_ forget him, and Jinyoung will continue to be his comfort zone once time allows for that to happen again. He feels better now — Much lighter than before, as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders at long last.

Perhaps what he needed was for the right person to listen to him and give him the reassurance he needed.

_And really_ , he would be lying to himself if he said Jinyoung isn’t that person.

**_oo2._ **

“… _And yeah, that’s what happened,_ ” Jinyoung laughs. _“Enough about me, surely you’re not here to listen to my many hours worth of rambling. How are things going over there?_ ” Jinyoung questions as he finally settles down onto his bed, pillow in his lap, his face finally coming into proper focus.

“Not bad, just the usual,” Youngjae answers. He rolls over so he could lie on his stomach, allowing him to prop his phone against his pillow so he wouldn’t have to continue holding the device in his hands. “Jaebeom hyung told me he called you last night? What did you guys talk about?” he asks, trying to feign casual curiousity.

“ _Oh, we talked about a lot. Granted, we haven’t been able to have a proper chat since we’re both pretty busy and our schedules keep clashing,”_ Jinyoung says, chuckling lightly. “ _He asked me a lot of questions about my life here and kept pestering me with the age old question of whether I have my eyes on someone yet or not._ ”

Whatever that small pang Youngjae felt was about, he decides to ignore it and move on. “So have you found a suitable candidate yet? Last time I heard, your standards were pretty high,” Youngjae laughs, hoping it doesn’t sound forced.

“ _They are still very high, I can assure you that_ ,” Jinyoung jokes, grinning good-naturedly. _“I mean, I’ve made many good friends here, sure, but I can’t seem to find someone I’m interested in._ ”

Something about the way he says this ignites something akin to hope in the younger’s heart, in which he tries to suppress because he is not a big fan of whatever that feeling is. “So you’re not interested in anyone _at all_?” Youngjae presses, and for a split-second, he wonders what he’s trying to achieve by doing this. It isn’t his business to interrogate, isn’t something he needs to care about — Yet here he is, sitting in his dimly lit bedroom in the apartment he now owns, wanting to question Jinyoung and squeeze every single detail he could out of the older. He isn’tone to be nosy. He hated being nosy to begin with, but this time is a big exception. He _wants_ to know. And this thirst for knowledge that simply isn’t for him is starting to make him question his own motives.

“ _No_ ,” Jinyoung answers. “ _I wish I could say that I’ve finally found my knight in shining armour but unfortunately, I have no such tales to tell._ ”

“I wonder why that is?” Youngjae questions, softly.

“ _Yeah, I wonder_ ,” Jinyoung echoes, and for a moment there, Youngjae feels like those words were _for_ him. There was no rhyme or reason to this, it was just an inkling which helps fuel the hope in his chest.

As he finally goes to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, roughly after another two hours of conversation (which could have gone on longer if Jinyoung didn’t have to leave for work), he couldn’t shake the weird feeling off no matter how hard he tries.

As he drifts off to sleep, he had one thing, and only one thing on the very forefront of his mind — _Jinyoung_.

Jinyoung and his smile, his quirks, his voice, his _everything._

Him as a whole.

This is one of those moments when everything and every aspect of his feelings became much more clarified, all the facts laid out so clearly in front of him. It is one of those moments when he _knew,_ but didn’t want to acknowledge.

He wasn’t ready for such acknowledgements because that would reveal so much — _too much_ — so for now, he will just sleep on it; let it lay dormant for a while more, till he’s ready.

He’ll be ready — _Some day_.

But today’s not going to be that some day.

**_oo3._ **

“Youngjae!”

As if on autopilot, Youngjae turns around in time for an around-the-same-height-as-him-adult-male to come bounding right into his outstretched arms. He feels the air knocked out of him as a breathless sounding laugh makes its way past his lips, arms automatically tightening around the older when he feels Jinyoung hugging him around the middle. It’s as if everything that is happening so far is second nature to him — As well as the leaping sensation his heart does, and the fluttering feeling in his stomach. Those two _especially_ are second nature to him when it comes to being around Jinyoung.

It didn’t help that they’ve been apart from each other for so long already. Two years is pretty hard to bear, and he never really got used to not having Jinyoung by his side. Now that he _is_ finally here by his side once again, he's not sure how he’s supposed to act.

_Well_ , it’s not like he really ever _knew_ how to act around Jinyoung, but it has since gotten worse.

“Jinyoung hyung!” Youngjae answers with the same amount of enthusiasm, if not more.

Jinyoung’s the first one to pull away from their long-awaited embrace, hands immediately coming up to squish Youngjae’s cheeks between his palms. “I’ve missed you so much,” he says, grinning as he moulds Youngjae’s cheeks. “And I’ve missed doing this to you even more.”

Youngjae playfully rolls his eyes in response, taking a hold of Jinyoung’s hands so he’d stop assaulting his cheeks. “I don’t appreciate you abusing my cheeks,” Youngjae says with a pout. “And I especially don’t _appreciate_ it when this is the first thing you do to me after two solid _years_ of you being away.”

“Aww, is our Youngjae _mad_ now?” Jinyoung questions in a playfully mocking tone, eyebrows quirked. “Fine then, I guess I will have to do the same old same to appease my baby,” he says, and without much of a warning, he leans in to place a peck on both sides of Youngjae’s cheeks. Youngjae could feel his cheeks flushing at the unexpected gesture and the fluttery feeling comes back, ten-folds this time.

“This is the airport,” Youngjae says meekly, as if he was trying to make a point of some sort.

“Okay, and?” Jinyoung asks. “I literally always do this, why are you acting like this is the first time?”

“It’s the first time you’ve done something like this in public,” Youngjae defends, to which Jinyoung shakes his head to and instead, throws an arm around the younger’s shoulders, steering them towards the airport exit, luggage in tow.

“ _And_?” Jinyoung presses, “There’s always a first time for everything.”

Youngjae purses his lips at that, still very much bothered by the sudden display of affection, no less in a public space. He wills himself out of his thoughts as Jinyoung gently steers the conversation elsewhere.

“Where’s Jaebeom hyung? I thought he was coming along to pick me up too,” he says with a slight whine, bottom lip jutting out as he looks around the airport to see if the older was in sight. “Is he hiding somewhere or did he not actually come? He promised me he’d be here!”

Youngjae catches himself _almost_ frowning at that and quickly tries to keep his neutral expression in place as Jinyoung glances over at him, expectantly. He clears his throat and averts his eyes elsewhere. “Now that you’ve reminded me — He couldn’t make it, he’s busy with work. Told me to tell you that he really wanted to come but his boss wouldn’t allow for that to happen.”

“That sucks,” Jinyoung sighs, but brightens up a second after, arm tightening around Youngjae’s shoulder. “It’s fine though, since my favourite one is here to pick me up!”

Whatever weird, clenching feeling he felt in his chest dissipated just like that upon hearing Jinyoung’s reaffirming words.

_Favourite._

He couldn’t help but let a smile slip onto his lips, couldn’t really control the movement of his muscles at all — And Jinyoung notices this, and doesn’t let go of this golden moment to tease Youngjae about it.

“Ooh, someone’s suddenly very happy now that I’ve told them they’re my favourite, huh?”

“Well,” Youngjae mutters, “I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel like an honour to be your favourite since you seem to have something against everyone you know.”

“That’s not true!” Jinyoung says, sounding highly offended as Youngjae laughs.

“Sure, if that’s what you think,” the younger teases with a grin as they make their way to his car. “We’ll get everyone’s opinion on that and _then_ you’ll know.”

**_oo4._ **

They have exactly a month before Jinyoung has to return to L.A, but only two weeks to spend with each other before Jinyoung heads back to Seoul so he could spend the remaining of his stay there with his family.

While that’s not a lot of time, Youngjae plans on spending it well.

So, that’s what he does. He takes Jinyoung to his workplace, shows him around — Introduces him to his coworkers, the friends he has made during his career here. Jinyoung instantly takes a liking towards the ones who were Youngjae’s friends; it makes Youngjae glad to see that the older is getting along well with his friends, if their conversations are anything to go by.

“Bambam’s a sweetheart and sort of reminds me of one of the guys I met back in the states. His name is Jackson, I think they’d get along quite well,” Jinyoung chuckles. “But Yugyeom… He’s a special one. I think we’d get along really well. Somehow, in a weird way,” Jinyoung comments as he climbs into the passenger seat of Youngjae’s car.

This strikes Youngjae hard, and he wonders if he’s made the right choice in letting Jinyoung meet his friends, after all. “Yeah,” Youngjae says, offhandedly, grip on the steering wheel tightening slightly. “So you’ve only made two friends during the two years you’ve been in the states? Jackson and the Mark guy you kept mentioning during our video calls?” This comes off sounding a bit harsh, so he tries to dial it down by adding, “Though that would be hypocritical of me to say since I’ve only been able to get closer to Bambam and Yugyeom; it’s been two years already.”

Jinyoung, however, doesn’t seem to be affected by this — He doesn’t even seem to notice the slight hostility in Youngjae’s tone, if the way he responds is anything to go by. “Well, I haven’t _only_ made two friends, but those two were the most welcoming and friendly so I guess I grew more attached to them than the others who work at the company. It’s sort of like we clicked without much effort.” He pauses, smiling lightly as he looks over at Youngjae. “Though of course, I’d say the smoothest _click_ I’ve ever had was with you, Youngjae.”

It’s either the way Jinyoung didn’t have to say his name but did so anyway in the softest voice yet, or the way Jinyoung is gazing at him, or the way his name rolls off the older’s tongue, but he feels his heart race in his chest, his cheeks growing warmer by the second. He coughs, quickly pressing the blue arrowed button to reduce the heat as he mumbles, “Is it just me or is it getting _much_ warmer in here?”

“Is it?” Jinyoung asks with a frown. “Either way,” he then says, pulling out his phone.

From his peripherals, Youngjae could see Jinyoung tapping away on the screen, and a hundred and one questions begin to form in his mind. Jinyoung doesn’t allow him to stay curious for long, though, as he speaks up.

“Is Yugyeom naturally a flirt or…”

“ _What_?” Youngjae’s voice is sharp and ends up giving away his agitated state, which catches the attention of the older one as he looks over at Youngjae with a confused expression.

“Huh?” is the first thing that tumbles of Jinyoung’s mouth, and then he collects himself. “What was that about?” he questions, offering a puzzled laugh.

“I meant — Yugyeom? A flirt? That’s bullshit.”

“Well, I mean, if these text messages are anything to go by? Granted, I’m not an expert or anything, and it’s been quite a while since someone’s _tried_ flirting with me so I may be reading into this wrong,” Jinyoung answers.

This elicits a feeling of curiousity to bloom in the younger’s chest as he asks, “And why is that?”

“Because I have my boundaries set,” Jinyoung responds, “and end things before they could start. Guess I didn’t make that clear enough with him, did I?”

“And why is _that_?” Youngjae questions once again, ignoring the way his heart leaps at the revelation of information.

“Just because,” Jinyoung murmurs, tapping out a reply. “I’ve got my reasons.” He presses the send button. “Reasons that I unfortunately won’t be enlightening you with.” He places his phone in his pocket and glances over at Youngjae. “Have I told you this yet?” he questions, moving onto another subject before Youngjae could counter that.

“Have you told me what yet?” Youngjae asks.

“You driving and having to concentrate, it’s so _hot_.”

The younger bursts out into surprised laughter at the unexpected compliment — If he could even call it a compliment. “ _Excuse me_?”

“It’s true,” Jinyoung says. “Has no one told you that before?”

“No, and I doubt anyone has ever thought that before,” Youngjae answers, gradually applying pressure to the brake as they come to a stop at a red light.

“Well, that’s not true because I’ve thought that before,” Jinyoung says. “Like, there’s just _something_ about you driving that gets me all giddy inside,” he jokes, and Youngjae reacts to this by reaching over to give Jinyoung’s shoulder a light shove.

“Shut up, you’re embarrassing me,” he laughs as he slowly eases on the brakes as the light turns green. “Before you decide to inflate my ego even more by telling me how it is an absolute delight to watch me drive, we’re going to be having dinner with Jaebeom and I want you to be on your _best_ behaviour.”

“That was on the itinerary today?” Jinyoung questions.

“Yeah. He text me while we were at the office and he told me he wanted to meet up with you and I,” Youngjae answers. “He says he misses you and can’t wait to see you. Told me has business in Busan for the next couple of days.”

“Right, but he didn’t come pick me up at the airport as he promised so I doubt he misses me _that_ much,” the older mutters. “I’m going to make him pay for our meal, just you wait.”

“He probably will out of guilt,” Youngjae chuckles.

“He’d better, or I’m going to talk his ears off about it for the next ten years,” Jinyoung quips.

Youngjae offers a hearty chortle at that, knowing just how petty Jinyoung can be.

Yet _another_ thing he’s missed about Jinyoung.

_Maybe,_ his subconscious pipes up, _you miss him for reasons you don’t want to admit. Sit on that for god knows how long, won’t you?_

_—_

“You know you could have just asked Youngjae to tidy up the guest room for you. It would have saved you a tonne of money since you wouldn’t have had to stay at an overpriced so-called five star hotel for two weeks,” Jaebeom remarks.

“I wouldn’t want to become a burden for our busy businessman,” Jinyoung answers, grinning lightly as he uses the tongs provided to place the meat on the grill.

“You wouldn’t have become a burden,” Youngjae mumbles into his cup.

“What was that?” Jinyoung questions, leaning closer to the younger.

“N-nothing,” Youngjae answers quickly, shifting away from Jinyoung and hoping the older wouldn’t notice.

Jaebeom glances back and forth between them before offering an awkward cough to ease the tension. “So — Is it true you haven’t found the love of your life yet?”he asks, staring at Jinyoung with cocked brows.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung answers dismissively, waving a hand in the air. “None of them are my type. Really sucks, because I _was_ hoping to finally get laid by someone I actually gave a shit about,” he jokes.

“Is there a reason why you haven’t found that someone yet?” Jaebeom asks, taking a sip of beer from his glass.

“You’d think I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a reason,” Jinyoung says with a knowing smile.

“You know me well — But not as well as my parents, unfortunately,” Jaebeom quips. “So what’s the reason?”

“And if I say I _don’t_ have a reason?”

“Then I’d say you _do_ have a reason but you’re not willing to enlighten us with it.”

“You’re right,” Jinyoung answers. “There’s a time for everything, but right now isn’t the time,” he says, sparing a quick glance in Youngjae’s direction before returning his attention to Jaebeom who stares at him with a knowing look. “Eat up!” he says, moving the food from the grill to their plates.

They eat and drink the night away, sharing laughters and stories and reminiscing the times when they were a tight-knit trio back when they were still mere university students who didn’t know better. 

Jinyoung doesn’t drink much, knowing that he’s a lightweight; too much alcohol might end up ruining him for the night. Jaebeom drinks moderately since he had business to attend to the very next day. Youngjae, however, is a whole different story. Dinner is coming to a close, and he’s a blabbering mess, cheeks flushed and the blush creeping up to the very tips of his ears.

“Are you sure you can handle him?” Jaebeom questions worryingly as he returns from the counter after paying for their meal.

“Yeah, I was able to handle him back then so I’m sure I can handle him now,” Jinyoung answers, though he sounds a bit sceptical as he stares at Youngjae’s flopped over form. “Actually,” he mumbles after a moment of thought, “Would it be alright if you hailed a cab for us? I’ll carry him out. He can come back to pick his car up once he’s feeling better.”

—

“Feeling better now?” Jinyoung questions as Youngjae takes a few more sips of the chicken soup Jinyoung had made for him.

It’s the next morning, and Youngjae had woken up with a pretty bad hangover — A shitty way to start the day off, if he has to say so himself.

“It’s not like your chicken soup has instant curing properties,” Youngjae mumbles in response. Jinyoung shoots him a glare, which immediately elicits a much different answer from the younger. “Not that it’s _not_ going to make me feel better, it will definitely help a lot. Thanks, I guess.”

“Why did you get so drunk last night? Now you’re missing out on another day of work,” Jinyoung scolds.

“I haven’t found time to let loose for a while so I didn’t really think about the consequences much.”

“Clearly,” Jinyoung sighs, leaning back in his chair, fingers rubbing at his temples.

“I’ll be fine, I’ve had it worse when we were still in university,” Youngjae responds, as if that would alleviate the older’s stress. “But about yesterday… What’s the reason?”

“What reason?”

“You know, when Jaebeom hyung asked what your reason was for not being able to find someone? It’s got me all curious again.”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out,” Jinyoung answers, and Youngjae rolls his eyes.

“Do you have a horrible disease which prevents you from finding love? Is this why you’re trying to not fall in love?” Youngjae questions, followed by a gasp. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

“What?” Jinyoung laughs. “This isn’t your typical Korean drama, Youngjae, this is real life.”

“Yeah, but shit like that can also happen in real life,” Youngjae argues. “Come on, you can tell me, I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“Do you really want to know?” Jinyoung asks, softly, staring straight at the younger. This unnerves Youngjae as he slowly, but hesitantly, nods.

“Well,” Jinyoung says, “That’s too bad.”

“But why—”

“ _Youngjae_.”

The silence which follows after blankets them, muffling every other sound as Youngjae stares intently at Jinyoung — Curious. _Very_ curious. This is probably where he should stop, move onto something else but he’s so curious.

So he presses on.

He wants to know why. There’s a desperation to it all, and he hates feeling this way but he wants to know, and that feeling of wanting to know is overpowering the actual need to step back — To press on the brakes, to give in to what the older wants, to completely drop this topic and move onto something else.

Jinyoung senses this desperation, reading right through Youngjae.

“Why are you so adamant on knowing?” he asks. “You usually know better than to press on like this, Youngjae, but right now…”

Youngjae responds with his own question, “Is it so wrong to be curious?”

“I didn’t say it was.”

“You’re being stubbornly secretive about something you can’t hide forever,” Youngjae says, “And it’s bugging me because I want to know why. Is it so bad that you can’t even tell me about it? It honestly shouldn’t even be a big deal but you’re making it into one.”

Something about this ticks Jinyoung off. “This is _my_ business, not _our_ businessand if I don’t want to tell you then that’s my right to have. I’m sorry if this is pissing you off, but when I say I have my reasons that I _don’t want to tell_ until I’m ready _,_ then that’s that. You won’t change my mind by making a fuss over it. Just because it’s not a ‘big deal’ to you doesn’t mean it’s not a ‘big deal’ to me. I don’t think you quite understand that,” Jinyoung says, sharply, expression hardening.

“ _Hyung—_ ”

“I think I’ve over-extended my stay,” Jinyoung says, coldly, as he stands up from his seat, the scraping of the chair legs across the tiled floor silencing the younger completely. “I will see you later.”

And with that, he’s out of the door, leaving Youngjae to stare at the seat which Jinyoung was sitting on just moments ago, with a million thoughts running through his head.

**_oo5._ **

“ _Did you and Jinyoung fight?_ ” is the first thing Jaebeom asks when Youngjae picks up the phone.

The mention of the older’s name stings a bit — And this stinging pain doesn’t lessen when he remembers Jinyoung only bothered to tell him he was leaving for Seoul _after_ getting onto the train. He didn’t even _speak_ to him about it — He sent a short text message to inform Youngjae, and that was about it.

Plans on spending time with the older vanished just like that, because Jinyoung was either screening his calls or was ignoring them all together ever since the incident which took place at Youngjae’s home.

“He got mad at me after I tried to make him tell me what his reasons were for not finding someone to date,” Youngjae sighs, plopping onto the end of his bed. “He ignored me after that and didn’t even tell me he was leaving until _after_ getting onto the train, so I couldn’t spend the remaining of the two weeks with him because he would never pick up my calls or answer my messages. What is wrong with him anyway? His pettiness has gotten worse after returning from the States,” he fumes, the feeling of irritation building up. “I don’t know why he feels the need to hide things from us. He wasn’t like this before and I just— It’s like he doesn’t need us anymore.”

“ _Youngjae,_ ” Jaebeom says, gently. “ _It’s not that he doesn’t need us. He’s probably had a lot of things to reflect on after moving to the States, and maybe there are things he’s only just starting to understand — Hence why he’s not ready to tell us everything yet. Give him some time, he’ll open up to us — To you. It’s just a matter of waiting.”_

There’s a moment of silence which lingers between them, before Youngjae speaks up. “You think so?” he asks, quietly.

“ _I don’t think so, I_ know _so_ ,” Jaebeom answers in a reassuring tone. “ _So just trust him, and have some patience. You can do that, right?_ ”

Youngjae sniffles. “I think so,” he mumbles.

“ _Then that’s a good boy_ ,” Jaebeom teases.

“I’m not a kid anymore!” Youngjae whines, cheeks flushing. He hears laughter on the other end of the line and smiles, softly, feeling a bit better than before. “Anyway, why did you call me?” 

“ _Ah, about that… I met up with Jinyoung at the station to pick him up and he sort of just clammed up when I asked him about you, which is why I came to the conclusion of you guys fighting. So yeah, I just wanted to inform you about his whereabouts and to ask you what happened._ ”

“Is that so?” Youngjae asks, exhaling softly. “Could you do me a favour?”

“ _Sure, what is it?_ ”

—

“What the fuck is this?” Jinyoung questions as Jaebeom finally slows down, the grip on his wrist still tight. It’s like he’s afraid Jinyoung would shake him off and escape if he didn’t keep such a tight hold on him.

“Shut up and stop whining, you’re not five anymore,” Jaebeom chides.

Jinyoung purses his lips, shoving a hand into his pocket. He was planning on kicking back at home today after having been away for so long; Jaebeom, however, seems to have other plans for him as the older practically drags him out of his house and to the train station. He watches as the older searches the station frantically, as if trying to find someone.

“Who are you looking for?” Jinyoung questions, sounding tired.

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out,” Jaebeom mutters, and Jinyoung frowns at that.

“I _swear_ to whatever god there is—”

“There he is!” Jaebeom says, perking up with excitement as he, once again, drags Jinyoung away from the railing.

“Can you stop dragging me around like a fucking rag doll?” Jinyoung questions, loudly, words laced with irritation.

“Youngjae! Over here!” Jaebeom yells, ignoring the looks of disdain directed at him from a group of passerbys.

Jinyoung freezes at the mention of the name. They finally come to a stop outside the exit and his head whips over to where Jaebeom’s stare is directed at. He watches as Youngjae walks over to them, luggage in tow.

“Y-Youngjae…” he stammers, taken aback. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” he asks, weakly.

“You left without so much of a word,” Youngjae says, gaze hardening at the sight of Jinyoung, “So I took… A few days off so I could spend more time with you since we couldn’t do that during the two weeks you were in Busan for. It’s been a few months since I’ve been back here in Seoul. The last time I came back was to visit my parents, so think of yourself as special; I came all the way here for you, after all.”

“No one asked you to come here _for_ me,” Jinyoung mumbles, averting eye contact.

Youngjae sighs. “Are you still mad at me?”

“Did you travel all the way here just to ask me that?” Jinyoung questions, exasperated.

“No, but I might as well have since you wouldn’t answer my texts nor pick up my calls,” Youngjae answers, frowning. “I can’t believe you’ve been ignoring me over an argument that could have been resolved by talking it out like the adults we are—”

“ _Are you saying I’m_ not _an adult—”_

“Guys, please!” Jaebeom interrupts, loudly. “This is a public space, if you want to fight then at least wait until you’re home. _Now,_ ” he says, throwing his arms around the younger two’s shoulders and wheeling them to the station’s exit. “We’re going to check Youngjae in and _then_ you guys are going to talk it out _like the adults you are_. You’re not leaving for the States anytime soon if you don’t talk this out with Youngjae,” he says, directing the last sentence at Jinyoung.

“You can’t do that, you’re not even my—”

“Jinyoung, before I _actually_ slap you silly, you’d better listen to me. Got it? No arguments or I will tell your family you’ve committed a felony and I’m dead-set serious — You know me _very_ well.”

Jinyoung grumbles in annoyance, mumbling grievances under his breath as they make their way to Jaebeom’s car.

—

“Did you really come all the way here because you wanted to talk things out?” Jinyoung asks after Jaebeom leaves the room, telling them to call him once they’re done talking.

“Well, it’s not like you were going to pick up my calls, were you?” Youngjae questions, trying to keep his accusatory tone at bay.

Jinyoung sighs, fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “You’re getting on my nerves, Youngjae. If you’re doing this because you want to know my reasoning or whatever and invade my privacy then I suggest you don’t bother—”

“Is this _really_ what you think of me?” Youngjae interrupts.

Jinyoung finally spares a proper glance at him; he feels a stinging pinch when he sees the younger staring at him, looking very much hurt and confused.

“All of these years and _this_ is what you think of me? Someone who’s only here to get onto your nerves, to invade your privacy? To be a nuisance?”

“That’s _not_ what I meant—”

“You do realise you’re being really unreasonable and childish, right?” Youngjae cuts in, sharply. “And I have no idea why you’re acting this way. _Fine_ , I admit it was my fault for pushing you for an answer when you were clearly unwilling and uncomfortable, _and_ for dismissing your feelings when broaching the subject — That’s entirely on me, but it doesn’t excuse you for being an absolute asshole about it, going to the extent of ignoring my calls and texts and throwing away the time we could have spent together.” He pauses, inhaling sharply.

“It’s been two whole fucking _years_ since we’ve seen each other and instead of being rational and, I don’t know, having a talk with me about it so we could have resolved things in a more orderly fashion _way_ earlier, you chose to do what you did.” Pent up emotions and the frustration of this whole situation falls down his cheeks in the form of tears, and he wasn’t quick enough to wipe them away. It wasn’t like Jinyoung hadn’t seen him like this before, but this isn’t what he had planned on when he came down to Seoul out of pure impulse and the desperation to see Jinyoung again before the older left for the States in two weeks’ time.

“Youngjae,” Jinyoung says, softly, “I—”

“ _Let me finish,_ ” Youngjae says, glaring at Jinyoung through tears and blurred vision.

Jinyoung falls silent, staring at him, clearly at a loss for words.

“You weren’t like this before moving to the States. And you knew how to _communicate,_ you were never like — Like _this._ It’s like you’ve changed, like you don’t _need_ us anymore. You don’t care to tell us much. You seem so withdrawn and careful. Don’t think I didn’t notice through the video calls we’ve had for the past two years,” Youngjae says, a slight tremble his voice. “I know I shouldn’t be bitching about those things and leave them for a whole separate conversation; for me to act like it’s your fault that I tried to force an answer out of you is _not it_ , but was there — Was there really a need to act like that? To completely just — Wipe me out of the picture? What if this isn’t just a one time occurrence? What if you do this later on and we fall apart a-and—”

“I’d never do that,” Jinyoung breathes out, placing both hands on the younger’s shoulders and squeezing them gently, almost as if it was his way of reassuring Youngjae. It usually would have worked but with the younger feeling like an absolute wreck right now, it doesn’t do the wonders it usually does. “I—I didn’t realise I was instilling such fears and worries upon you, and I’m sorry for that,” he says, quietly. “I’ve just — I had a lot of thinking to do, and I guess being in the States allowed me that sort of space and time to really just reflect on things and give a thought to what I really am after right now,” he explains, slowly. “Being away from here helped me do that — To sort through the haze in my head and bring things forward into clarity. Either way, me trying to figure my shit out became an excuse to feel ruffled over the smallest of things, and I ended up taking out my irritation on you. I’m sorry.” 

“Are you sure you and Jaebeom hyung didn’t share a script? That’s almost exactly what he told me,” Youngjae sniffles, watching as Jinyoung cups his face in his hands and gently wipes his tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

“Did he tell you all of that?” Jinyoung asks, chuckling lightly.

Youngjae nods. “More or less,” he mumbles. “Does this mean you’re going to stop hiding things from us?”

“Yes. Not that I was hiding much to begin with — There was actually nothing that I could really share without sounding like a big old bore. Other than the hustle and bustle of life over there, what with work and all of the dull and boring side of things, there wasn’t much I could talk about. There’s just a few… _Things_ that I’ve brought from here, all the way over to the States, that I’m still trying to figure out. And as for acting aloof — I’m sorry. I’ll try not to be like that, because that’s not my intention and I certainly don’t want you thinking I don’t care about you or anything like that,” Jinyoung says, gazing softly at Youngjae with a sincerity only the younger could recognise behind those mellow eyes. 

Even in a strange moment like this, Youngjae’s heart can’t help but skip a beat at the close proximity and contact. He doesn’t pull away, though, because he misses being this close to the older. His chest constricts painfully as he realises this isn’t going to last much longer, what with Jinyoung having to return to the States for work and all. “Do you _have_ to go?” he lets slip past his lips, question lingering in the air between them. “Can’t you just stay?” he asks, the desperation emanating off his voice.

“I wish I didn’t have to,” Jinyoung answers, avoiding answering the question directly with a blunt yes or no. “But I’ll try to visit more often! If work allows me, of course,” he offers, hands falling from Youngjae’s face and coming to a rest in his lap.

“No,” Youngjae says, shaking his head. “That’s not — That’s not good enough. Can’t you stay? With your family, with us, with — With _me_?”

“Youngjae-ah… You know I can’t do that, even if I want to,” Jinyoung says, softly. “I have all of these responsibilities I have to take care of back there.” Something about that sounded sad, a bit forlorn.

“I… I guess it can’t be helped,” Youngjae sighs, defeatedly.

“When are you going back to Busan?”

“Well,” Youngjae says, slowly, averting his eyes elsewhere.

“Choi Youngjae,” Jinyoung says, sternly, folding his arms over his chest. “Don’t tell me… You didn’t use up all of your paid leaves, did you?”

“Well, I still have two days left,” he retaliates. “That’s better than having nothing left!”

“You use your sick leaves for more important things, not for coming to see absolute blubbering idiots like me!” Jinyoung scolds. “You go back and tell them you’re taking back those days and you _won’t_ be taking your leave after all—”

“That’s not how it works. What’s done is done so let’s just enjoy our time here, yeah?”

“Youngjae, this is absolutely _outrageous_ behaviour—”

“Yeah, and it wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t ignore me and left without so much of a word,” Youngjae deadpans. “ _I’m leaving for Seoul. See you._ Sound familiar to you?”

Jinyoung’s cheeks flushes a light shade of red. “I-I — I was—” he stutters, but Youngjae shuts him up with a wave of his hand.

“I think I deserve some respect here, okay? And for you to not order me around,” Youngjae concludes. He places both his hands on Jinyoung’s knees and leans forward, grinning softly up at the older. “Shouldn’t we go have some fun? What do you say about that?”

“W-What about Jaebeom hyung?” Jinyoung asks, sounding a bit flustered. Youngjae grins inwardly upon noticing Jinyoung’s cheeks growing even redder than before.

“He doesn’t need to know,” Youngjae says, innocently, but the gleam in his eyes takes away from that innocence.

“But he might be waiting outside for us—”

“Like I said, he doesn’t need to know,” Youngjae says, standing up from his seat. He grabs Jinyoung’s hand, smiling brightly at him. “Let’s go?”

—

“Did we really… Avoid telling Jaebeom so you could come to this place?” Jinyoung questions, looking around. “Claw machines. Really? This is your idea of having fun?” he asks, staring at a machine filled with stuffed toys from the Animal Crossing franchise.

“I used to come here a lot to de-stress,” Youngjae says as he presses the bright red glowing button, watching as the crane lowers itself, claws failing to clamp upon his desired target. “I still de-stress this way, but at one of the stores in Busan.” 

Jinyoung gives the machine Youngjae is glued to a side-eye. “You call _that_ de-stressing?” he scoffs.

“We all de-stress in different ways, just like how you like to jerk off in the bathroom and scar people by not locking the bathroom door—”

“That was _one time_!” Jinyoung screeches, indignantly. “I can’t believe you’re using that against me, I had that memory repressed, too!” He watches as Youngjae unsuccessfully attempts to claw up another stuffed toy. “Move aside, you suck at this,” he mumbles, nudging Youngjae aside. “ _This_ is how the professionals do it. Watch,” he says, concentrating on positioning the claw over the stuffed toy Youngjae was aiming for. He presses the button to lower the claw down, watching as it fails yet another attempt to grab ahold of the stuffed toy. He hears a snicker from the younger, which fuels his competitive spirit. “I didn’t calculate my moves properly,” he murmurs, as he gives it another go.

After _many_ more failed attempts, and Youngjae trying not to laugh at his attempts, he stops briefly to take a breather. “This machine is rigged!” he complains, any reasonable excuses having been used up earlier on.

“Don’t belittle the machine like this. You’re just bad at it is all,” Youngjae states with a giggle.

“That is not true and I will not take slander like this,” Jinyoung huffs. “Give me all the coins you have — We’re getting that goddamn toy no matter what.”

“Even if it might take you days?”

“Well, do you have that many coins that it can last you _days_?”

“Not really…”

“Exactly,” Jinyoung says. “We’ll keep going until those coins are used up.”

“Then why don’t you use your own coins?” Youngjae questions while handing the older the money.

“This is for you, Youngjae, not me,” Jinyoung says, matter-of-factly, and Youngjae snorts in response to that.

“Ah, you’re a cheapskate, is that why?”

Jinyoung ignores his comment and goes on to slotting another few coins into the machine, watching as it comes alive once again.

“I’ll get you this time, just you wait,” he says, rubbing his hands together for a brief few seconds before he’s back at it again, hunched right over the buttons.

Youngjae continues to watch him, a fond smile playing on his lips — The weird, fluttery feeling in his stomach is back again, twenty folds this time.

_Fuck._

“ _I did it!_ ”

Youngjae’s snapped out of his reverie when he hears Jinyoung’s excited shout ringing out throughout the mostly empty arcade, save for them two. He laughs when Jinyoung turns around to show him the stuffed toy, beaming brightly.

“And when I say I’m the connoisseur of claw machines?” Jinyoung says, grin still remaining as he walks over to Youngjae and hands the stuffed toy over to him. “This,” he says, hands sliding up to lightly grip around Youngjae’s wrist, “Is for you.” His grin softens into an affectionate smile, and Youngjae’s heart flutters.

He’s so tempted to just lean in, all inhibitions be damned, and just—

“And I hope this will serve as a reminder as to how you’ve wasted so much money on a stuffed toy, which you could have simply bought at a store for way less,” Jinyoung adds, which completely ruins the one-sided moment Youngjae was having.

“You’re such an asshole,” Youngjae laughs as he pulls away from Jinyoung so he could playfully slap him on the shoulder.

“Can’t help being one when I’ve been exposed to so many in my entire life.”

“Do you mean the actual holes on our rear ends or are you talking about personified assholes—”

“ _Youngjae_!” Jinyoung says, frowning.

“I’m just saying!” Youngjae answers, “I’m genuinely curious, it’s why I’m even asking.”

“You’ve gotten much more crude over the past two years, I’ll tell you that much.”

“I’ve always been like this.”

“Which is why I said you’ve gotten _worse_.” Jinyoung sighs, raking his fingers through his hair. “You’re honestly impossible. Let’s just call Jaebeom hyung and tell him it was your idea to ditch him for a claw machine filled arcade, okay? And you’d better not blame it on me after I spent all my blood, sweat and tears to get this damned stuffed toy for you.”

“You did it for your pride and ego, not for me.”

“Youngjae, I swear to _god._ ”

—

“You’re really not going to come with us?” Jaebeom asks as Jinyoung shrugs on his coat. After what seemed like an hour long worth of lecturing and hearing the whole “being respectful to your elders” speech from the eldest of the trio himself, Youngjae doesn’t blame Jinyoung for being a bit weary of spending the rest of the night with Jaebeom there as well.

“I would love to, but I think I should go back home — I’m going out with my parents earlier tomorrow anyways, so I need all the sleep I can get,” Jinyoung explains again as he glances in Youngjae’s direction. “I’ll get going then,” he says, smiling softly in the younger’s direction.

Youngjae smiles back, ignoring the way Jaebeom is looking back and forth between them.

“And I’ll see _you_ later, elderly man,” Jinyoung says, acknowledging Jaebeom’s presence with a pat on the shoulder.

“Oh, fuck right off!” Jaebeom laughs, shoving at the younger lightly. 

They watch as Jinyoung turns around after waving to them then walks off into the opposite direction; Youngjae’s eyes are glued onto the older’s back, until his retreating figure disappears into the distance. He exhales softly, turning his attention to Jaebeom. “Let’s get going?”

—

“So you’ve made up thanks to me, huh?” Jaebeom queries, eyeing the stuffed toy Youngjae’s hugging to his chest.

“Not exactly thanks to you, but I guess I can’t _not_ credit you at least somewhat,” Youngjae answers with a soft grin.

The older leans back in his chair, studying the younger carefully which unsettles Youngjae a bit.

“What do you want?” Youngjae almost whines, eyebrows furrowing.

“Nothing, I just feel like your _in-love_ expression is quite adorable is all,” Jaebeom answers with a teasing smile spreading across his lips.

“…Am I that painfully obvious?”

“Not obvious enough for Jinyoung to realise, unfortunately. And hey, is this you finally admitting you’re smitten for him?”

Youngjae sighs, shifting himself into a more comfortable position, the stuffed toy still held tightly in his arms. “There’s no point in me trying to tell myself that isn’t the case, is there?” He pauses, a question coming to mind. “How’d you realise?”

Jaebeom hums positively. “It’s all in the eyes, baby,” he answers with a wink. “It’s the _deliciously_ painful internal struggle which comes in a package when you’re _yearning_ for someone. Pining, if you will. And it’s very obvious with the way you look at Jinyoung. You’ve never looked at anyone the way you looked at him, not even with your previous shitty pick of boyfriends.”

The younger ignores the last part, lifting an eyebrow in confusion. “Deliciously painful — What now? Yearning? Pining? What the fuck are these terms, I am _not_ pining for him—”

“And you know very well that is complete and utter bullshit,” Jaebeom says, which shuts down whatever argument Youngjae had at the tip of his tongue.

He takes a moment to think about this, allowing himself to digest the thought before letting out a sigh of defeat. “I mean — I can’t say you’re wrong either. It’s weird, though, because he’s clearly a changed person yet these feelings of mine keep snowballing into an even bigger mess.”

“If you’re saying this because of the whole incident where he decided to blatantly ignore you then I’m going to tell you this; I don’t think he has necessarily _changed_ — He just had time to think things through,” Jaebeom says. “And to be fair, he has always been a bit petty. Very petty, actually.”

“Well, I haven’t experienced such high level of pettiness from him before.”

“Oh, you think _that’s_ a high level of pettiness? Did I never tell you the story of where he cold-shouldered me for two solid months because I called his hair cut ugly?” Jaebeom questions, leaning forward slightly in his seat, arms folded over his chest. “We were kids back then, but his pettiness has carried on into adulthood, I’ll tell you _that_ for free.”

“Really? This is the first time he’s been _this_ petty with me. He has been playfully petty with me before but it was never this serious,” Youngjae muses. He mulls over this new information for a bit, lets it stew in his head for longer; it isn’t until Jaebeom speaks up again does he snap out of it.

“Then again, maybe he wasn’t _trying_ to be petty,” Jaebeom offers. “Maybe he was _already_ near his breaking point and you simply trying to gauge more information from him was the thing to push him right over the edge — Which is why he reacted the way he did. Unreasonable, but sometimes even emotions and feelings can get a grip on the most rational people before they can get a grip on those emotions and feelings themselves. And perhaps the way you worded it made it worse.”

“I guess you’re right,” Youngjae says. “Hanging out with you proves to be useful at times,” he remarks.

“So what are you going to do now?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Are you planning on telling him or what? Surely you’re not thinking of hiding this for a further ten years or something, right?”

It takes a few beats of silence before Youngjae answers with, “When the time is right, I guess.”

Although he’s not too sure when that would be.

**_oo6._ **

“Have you ever actually been in love with someone before?”

Youngjae’s head snaps up from his phone at that and sees Jinyoung staring at him with a lazy grin. “Excuse me?”

“Finally caught your attention, huh?” Jinyoung queries. He props his elbows onto the tabletop and rests his chin on his clasped hands, eyes never leaving Youngjae.

This unnerves the younger. “Well—”

“Is something the matter? You seem deeply disturbed these days,” Jinyoung comments. “You can confide in me like the good old days, I’ll take your secrets to my grave.”

Youngjae mulls over his options. Surely confessing at the wrong time, at the wrong place could hurt his chances, no? Maybe he’ll sit on it a bit longer, just like how he’s been sitting on his feelings for god knows how long already.

“I—”

“Here’s your drink,” the waiter interrupts, removing the cup of freshly brewed coffee from the tray they’re holding and placing it in front of Youngjae.

“So?” Jinyoung asks as they’re left alone once again.

The younger clears his throat, shaking his head. “No, nothing’s the matter,” he lies.

Jinyoung considers for a moment, sizes him up for longer. Then he nods, slowly, though seemingly reluctant. “If that’s what you say. Just know Jaebeom hyung’s not the only one you can talk to — I’m here if you need me too, okay?”

“I know that,” Youngjae says, relaxing. “Though I do have to say you might end up storming out on me again and ignoring me for weeks on end if I somehow piss you off, so maybe you’re not that good of an option to talk to?” he jokes.

“I promise I won’t ever do that again,” Jinyoung says, followed by a sigh.

_Of remorse?_

Perhaps.

Whatever it is, it causes the younger to reach over instinctively, taking the older’s hand into his. “I know you won’t,” Youngjae says with a soft smile gracing his lips. “I trust that you won’t. Because it’s you, and I know you’re better than that.” His eyes fall towards their hands, and he watches as Jinyoung intertwines their fingers.

“I didn’t know our hands fit this perfectly with each other’s,” Jinyoung comments softly, squeezing Youngjae’s hand gently. “I never really paid attention, until now.” He pauses, then says in a much, much softer voice, “I… Really like the feeling of this.”

Youngjae’s eyes flicker up to meet with Jinyoung’s; they stare at each other.

That’s all they do. They stare, as if trying to _really_ figure each other out.

And then Jinyoung looks away, breaking their staring contest. Youngjae looks down at their intertwined hands once again, resting comfortably in the middle of the table which separated them. He frowns. Something in him clicks. “About the question you asked me earlier…”

Maybe there’s no right time and place, _ever_ , to be doing this.

Maybe he _won’t_ sit on it much longer, after all.

“Which one are you talking about?” Jinyoung asks.

Youngjae could feel the older’s stare boring into him, but he doesn’t dare look up — He’s too _afraid_.

One look and he might lose his momentum.

Or _maybe_ , he’s just afraid of seeing the exact moment of rejection.

He’s in a fragile state of mind, but he’s also tittering on the edge of wanting to let go and just fucking _confess._ Frankly, this game he’s been playing by himself is wearing him out.

“The one where you asked if I’ve ever been in love with someone before,” Youngjae answers, slowly.

“Oh?” Jinyoung answers, sounding surprised and almost, if Youngjae wasn’t imagining things, _eager_. “So, have you?”

Youngjae smiles, finally daring himself to look at Jinyoung. “Yeah,” he says, staring straight at the older. “I have. In fact, I’d daresay I’ve only ever fallen in love once.”

“Really?” Jinyoung questions, voice lowered slightly. “Are you still in love with them?” It comes out sounding offhanded, but something in Youngjae _knows_ he’s curious as all hell.

“Yeah,” Youngjae answers easily. “Yeah, I’m still very much in love with them and I’ve only just admitted to myself how I feel towards them,” he says with a nod, as if to confirm his truth and acceptance.

“So…”

Youngjae waits, breath bated.

“Who are they?”

He exhales. “You,” Youngjae answers. “It’s… Always been you.”

**_oo7._ **

_It’s you._

_It’s always been you._

These words ring in his head for days.

He doesn’t hear from Jinyoung for days.

The day he confessed was the last time he heard from Jinyoung; while it hasn’t been long — not at all — it still bothers Youngjae.

Maybe it’s because he was expecting something… _More_. An outright rejection, or maybe… Maybe _what_?

What _did_ he want to gain from that?

All he received was a mere nod before Jinyoung told him he had other things to attend to (that was a lie, Youngjae knew that much).

That was _not_ what he wanted, that’s for sure, and it wasn’t what he had expected either.

“ _I shouldn’t have said anything — Now it’s like he’s actively avoiding me and it feels way worse than having him ignore me because he was mad at me_ ,” he tells Jaebeom, but the older doesn’t agree to this sentiment of his.

So, when he _finally_ gets a call from Jinyoung about a week later — two days before Jinyoung has to leave for the States — asking him if he could come down to meet him at the park, Youngjae hastily agrees.

He’s out of the door almost as soon as he ends the call, nervous energy coursing through him as he makes his way to the park located across the road from the hotel he was staying at. It doesn’t take him long before he spots Jinyoung sitting at a nearby bench, near a deserted playground. It was night time, to be fair; Youngjae prefers it this way, anyway.

“Hey,” Youngjae says, almost breathlessly, coming to a halt in front of the older. His chest swells at the sight of him.

Jinyoung looks up then, foot which was previously tapping on the floor now stopped; he almost looks surprised by the presence of the younger. “Hey,” he responds, straightening his posture. He watches as Youngjae takes a seat next to him.

“What is it?” Youngjae asks, getting straight to the point.

“I wanted to give you an answer,” Jinyoung simply responds, looking up to the night-sky. “An answer which might not please you, but an answer I must give none-the-less.”

Youngjae could feel his heart falling into the very pits of his stomach — It has been a while since he has experienced this, and the last time he experienced this wasn’t even when his boyfriend of one year dumped him for “someone better”. It was over something stupid, something boring and of little significance now that he thinks about it.

Now it’s over something he deems so very important to him.

It’s a different kind of pain this time around.

“I really like you, Youngjae-ah,” Jinyoung starts. “I don’t know if I can say I _love_ you — At least more than a friend, but I know I like you. I like you a lot; I can say, with confidence, that I like you more than a friend should.”

The younger turns his head to look at Jinyoung, “Then why…” he tapers off, swallowing.

“ _I don’t know_ ,” Jinyoung says, exhaling. “I’ve been having many thoughts about this. Before I went to the States, when I was in the States — I questioned myself if I was _into_ you. If I _liked_ you. Maybe I wasn’t? Maybe I didn’t? Maybe giving myself the chance to _explore_ when I was presented the opportunity to do so could have helped me sort my feelings out?” He finally turns his head so he could face Youngjae, eyes meeting the younger’s.

“There was a reason why I became so mad at you for trying to force an answer out of me when you asked me who I fancied. I was at that point in my life where I haven’t had my shit sorted out and even though I knew you didn’t intend to, I felt pressured. I guess I was mad at myself, not at _you,_ because I couldn’t even give you a straightforward answer. I took that irritation out on you.” He pauses, smiling slightly. “But then again, it’s not like I have my shit sorted out even up until this point. And then when you told me you were in love with me, I felt so… _Elated_. And then I backtracked and thought, _wait._ He loves me? He loves me. He doesn’t just _like_ me, he’s in love with me but… I’m only just _starting_ to understand that I foster more than friendly feelings towards him. It’s not even close to me being in love, so what am I supposed to do?”

Youngjae’s heart soars, despite the situation at hand.

Jinyoung likes him back, and that’s all that matters.

“The fact that you even _like_ me more than a friend is enough for me,” Youngjae says, softly, reaching out to hold Jinyoung’s hand, only for the older to pull away quickly before that can happen.

“It’s _not,_ Youngjae. You deserve better than someone like me — Someone who loves you just as much, if not more. _This_ … This isn’t going to work.”

“ _You’re_ that better someone for me. Sure, you’re an asshole at times, and you’re abrasive and stupid and an absolute fucking jerk when you want to be _and_ you’re a confusing prat who in fact, _doesn’t_ like me as much as I like you but—” Youngjae cuts himself off, breaking out into a smile, “—We can workshop that part. We can _try._ We can make it work. Maybe one day you’ll end up loving me more than I love you. How will we know it’s not going to work out if we don’t even _try_? Give it a chance, isn’t that something you’ve always told me?”

“Youngjae…” Jinyoung says, voice faltering. “Even if we did give it a chance, I’d be all the way across the globe. Do you _really_ want to wait for someone indefinitely? You can find someone so much better, forget about me and—”

“ _Hyung_.” This time, he sounds stern. He’s firm, standing his ground. “Don’t you get it? I don’t _want_ anyone else. You’re the one I’m in love with, and _you’re_ the one I want. That’s not going to change. And plus,” he says, successfully grabbing a hold of Jinyoung’s hands and squeezing them gently, reassuringly, “I’ll wait for you. I _want_ to wait for you. It’s a small price I have to pay, right? Especially now that I know these feelings between us are mutual.”

“Why are you so stubborn?” Jinyoung questions, followed by a sigh, a resigned look riddled in his features.

The younger smiles, scooting closer to the older. “I’ve always been stubborn,” he says, softly, pulling Jinyoung into a tight hug. “But I’m only going to grow even more stubborn,” he says, burying his face in the crook of the older’s neck, “because I’ve figured out what I want, and I don’t want to let that go now that I’m certain.” His smile only widens when he feels Jinyoung hugging him back.

“Will we work out in the end?” Jinyoung questions, softly, arms tightening around the younger.

“We will,” Youngjae answers, reassuring, voice muffled. He wasn’t just trying to reassure Jinyoung — He was trying to convince _himself_.

And in order for him to convince himself, he needs to _believe_.

“I _know_ we will.”

**_oo8._ **

“So this is it, huh?” Youngjae breathes, turning a full circle to take in the unfamiliar environment he currently is in. A grin makes its way onto his face, his excitement and elation shining right through. “ _This is it._ ”

“Have you developed a habit of talking to yourself or something?”

Youngjae slowly turns around at the sound of the familiar voice and sees an all-too-familiar raven-haired male walking up to him with a lazy smile plastered onto his pretty lips. His heart skips a beat, the butterflies in his stomach kicking into action; he’s left gawking at the older, brain unable to form any coherent sentences for his mouth to speak. “Jinyoung,” he manages to breathe out.

“Did you forget your honourifics? Surely not, you’ve only been here in L.A for less than an hour,” Jinyoung teases as he halts in front of Youngjae.

“Jinyoung _hyung_ ,” Youngjae corrects himself. “ _Holy_ ,” he mutters, releasing his luggage’s handle. He reaches out, cupping Jinyoung’s face into his hands.

“Hey to you too.” Jinyoung chuckles, holding Youngjae’s hands and gently lowering them from his face. “How have you been?” he asks, intertwining their fingers.

“I’ve been really excited to see you,” Youngjae answers honestly. “Ever since I found out I was going to be relocating here for my job, all I could think about was finally being able to be with you again.”

“There’s so much more to this place than just _me,_ Youngjae,” Jinyoung laughs, shaking his head. “But I have to say,” he adds, eyes twinkling, “I’m flattered to know that I’m the main unofficial attraction to this place for you.”

“Of course,” Youngjae says with a light grin. “It’s hard not to think of you as the main attraction when I haven’t seen you for two years already.”

“Two years,” Jinyoung echoes, exhaling softly. He squeezes Youngjae’s hands. “Two years,” he repeats. “You actually waited another two years,” he states, and Youngjae nods.

“I wasn’t going to go and break my promise, you know?” Youngjae answers.

“You’re an idiot. And you’re stubborn,” Jinyoung says, but the smile on his face speaks relief and absolute adoration.

“That’s why you like me,” Youngjae says.

“That’s why I _love_ you,” Jinyoung corrects.

The younger’s heart races at this — _Love._

He grins, regaining his composure. “Hm, but not as much as I love you.”

“Okay, we’re _not_ going through this again—”

“Can I kiss you?”

Jinyoung falls silent at the unexpected question. “What?” he questions, absentmindedly, now that he’s somehow found his voice again.

Youngjae enjoys the way the older’s cheeks gradually warm up, his blush showing in the lightest of pinks. “Well, to put it bluntly, I’m requesting to lip-lock with you in public, if that’s alright with you,” he says.

Despite himself and the current setting they were in, Jinyoung bursts out laughing at the unexpected rephrasing of the younger’s question. “Remember when you were flustered over me kissing your cheeks in public? You’ve grown since,” Jinyoung comments, laughter fading away. “But of course you can,” he says, cupping Youngjae’s cheeks in his hands; his eyes flicker to the younger’s lips for a fraction of a second, then back up again. “Because really, how can I say no to you?” he questions, softly, and then he’s tilting his head and leaning in, claiming the younger’s lips with his own.

Youngjae’s eyes flutter to a close as he kisses back, arms wrapping around Jinyoung’s waist to pull the older closer to him. His heart is beating loudly against his chest, and he most definitely hopes Jinyoung isn’t able hear it. Thoughts run through his mind; he wishes he had asked earlier, to kiss Jinyoung, but that wouldn’t have been right. None of those moments would have felt right; they would have been too sudden and might have scared the older away. Right now, right at this moment, was the right moment. It was the right one to enjoy soft plush lips pressed gently against his own, the faint taste of strawberries lingering on his tastebuds. He feels Jinyoung’s thumb grazing his cheeks, and he smiles into the kiss. He allows himself to be swept away by the feeling of euphoria; he allows himself to fall deeper. And, when the older slowly pulls away, gazing into Youngjae’s eyes which was a mirroring of the way Youngjae had gazed at Jinyoung for a long time (with nothing but affection, adoration and absolute appreciation for the mere existence of the older), he realises _this_ — He’s irrevocably in love with Jinyoung.

And so is Jinyoung, with him.

And yes, they’re doing this in a public setting where display of affection should be limited as much as possible but right now, it doesn’t matter — He will get embarrassed over it tonight, or maybe days later at most, once he’s alone and coming to the realisation of what he’s done. He will call Jinyoung, ramble about it, tell him how embarrassed he is — How he wishes they _didn’t_ do this in a public space (but not really meaning it). Or, maybe he’ll visit Jinyoung in person and complain about it. It will work out, either way.

Right now, though, that sort of realisation hasn’t hit yet, so he will savour this moment for as long as he possibly can.

“Remember what you said to me when you confessed to me two years prior?” Jinyoung queries, and Youngjae shakes his head with a soft smile.

_Oh_ , he remembers. He remembers that moment _very_ clearly, knows exactly what Jinyoung is referring to.

“What did I say?” he quizzes, tilting his head to the side. “Do remind me, won’t you?” 

Jinyoung chuckles knowingly, and Youngjae’s heart does yet another involuntary leap. God, he’s so in love.

“It’s always been you, Youngjae. _It’s always been you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out way longer than I had intended it to, though I’m happy with how it turned out nonetheless as I haven’t written a full one-shot in a long time. This is also one of the longest oneshots I've ever written, so that's an achievement of its own. Trying to get back into the groove of it and this was a good way to do so. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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